The conversation went something like this: “I am a good mom. I AM a good mom. I am a good mom.” This was what I told myself over and over earlier today. Yep. Me, myself and I were having a little chat after something awful happened. I’ll just come right out with it.
I dropped Mackenzie.
*sigh*
On her face. Her teeth came in contact with the hardwood floor in the hallway. After many (many, many) tears and wailing and blood I was able to see that it looked as though her top two middle teeth had retreated back up into her gums.
“I am a good mom. I am a good mom.”
My interpersonal discussion is really only preparation for tonight. This is how I know it will go. Something bad happens. Then, when I try to lay my head on my pillow and get some rest, the accuser will appear. He has a memory like no one else.
And as he whispers, I usually buy into it hook, line and sinker. It begins with the events of the day, the regretful ones. And then, he works his way chronologically through my history, reminding me of all of my unfortunate happenings. all of them. Even if I’ve been forgiven. Even if they weren’t my fault. It really gets in the way of sleeping.
That’s how he works though. I’ve been warned haven’t I?
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. (from 1 Peter 5)
He’s ready and waiting to devour me – and all believers for that matter. But, Jesus says that I don’t have to believe the accuser. I don’t have to listen to him. I can give my anxiety to HIM and believe what God’s Word says about the situation instead…
Psalm 103:11-13
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
One of the beautiful things about my love relationship with the Heavenly Father : He does not look on me and see my wrong doings. They have been removed and He does not dwell on them. His eyes see me with love and compassion, no matter what is in my past.
If I could just grasp this, I wouldn’t be so tempted to listen to the “deceiver” when he shows up in my bedroom at two in the morning rehearsing his memory in my ears. If I could really understand this level of forgiveness, I’d believe that I don’t have to answer to the liar and his historical account of my wrong doings.
Heavenly Father, Please help me. You are the only One who can. Let me live submerged in your forgiveness. And may that forgiveness give me the power to turn a deaf ear to the devil and his lies. I know this is Your will for me and the only hope for my heart. Thank you for your forgiveness that knows no boundaries. I am so grateful. amen
daily portion 