Typically from the driver’s seat of my Honda Odyssey, I can look into a little drop down mirror and see three little faces looking back at me. Emily, Isaac and Mackenzie are in my view at a moment’s notice if I need to check on them. I love looking back to see what they are up to.
Today I drove my van alone, without passengers. Those three little seats were empty. I took a moment to look back over my week with them and found myself grateful. What was in my rear view mirror? I’ll tell you.
There were sleepless nights. Fevers and tylenol. Runny noses. Whining and whimpering. lots of juice and pedia-lite. Puke. Vicks vapor rub and humidifiers. A trip to the pediatrician. More sleepless nights and impromptu naps at the wrong time. But God’s grace was rich and full, allowing me to fulfill my calling as a mommy. And we’ve come to experience healing from the Great Physician.
When I gaze into my rear view mirror, able to see things after the fact, I have to come face to face with the truth. My reality is I’m not always great at being the mommy He wants me to be. I don’t always take advantage of the stamina or endurance He offers. Sometimes, halfway through a week like mine, I start looking for an escape, wishing I had a different calling. Its not because I don’t love my children. No – I love them with my whole being. But, its because I tend to forget about the joy….
They say hind sight is 20/20. As last week comes into focus for me, what I see now is: quiet moments snuggling my sweet babies. tenderly caring for my children when they desperately needed a gentle touch. Singing softly in their ears, whispering my love. Wiping tears from feverish cheeks. Rocking in the middle of a long night, seeking rest for their weary souls. Its crystal clear as I review the week that I was merely a conduit, being the touch of Jesus to my children. And that gives me such joy…
There is a particular joy that comes when I manage to live a totally abandoned life inside His calling. Its not happiness. Its not fun or personal enjoyment. Its joy, knowing He’s fulfilling a work in me, by His grace, because He’s asked me to. And that was last week for me. When I was able to let go of the things that don’t matter, I could focus on being the mom that He wanted me to be. Now I can look back and see the blessing. I can give Him glory for the grace that He gave me for each moment of each day. And I can praise Him for using my physical touch to be His healing hand.
Hebrews 12:1-3 sums it up well.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the joy that comes with living for You and your purposes. and thank you for calling me to be a mother to my three precious children. May I never look into my rearview mirror with regret, but always with peace knowing I lived abandoned to your will. amen.
daily portion 