I ate my lunch today with the background music of my sweet baby doll wailing. She had gone down for her afternoon nap and everything was just fine. The coast was clear. My other children were otherwise occupied in quiet time activities. So, I thought I could sneak in some lunch.
It started low, with a murmur. Just a tiny objection, really. But it escalated quickly to loud crying. Crying and screaming, in fact. Now in case you feel like I should be reported to Children’s services, I promise, I am a good mother. I had changed her diaper. She had just finished her lunch. She had her blanky and bappy (that’s what she lovingly calls her pacifier). We even sang her bedtime song. All should have been quite fine. but, no. She did not want to sleep, even though she needed to.
Now, my sweet little baby girl has some stamina. She is very strong willed, with a large dose of tenacity. I don’t know where she gets it. She continued the strain. The minutes ticked by slowly. With a strong voice she let me know just how much she did not like my plans for her, even though an afternoon nap is in her best interest. Listening to her struggle and fuss broke my heart a bit, I love her so.
Well, I have to be honest here. I do know where she gets it. Let me tell you how much I would love to blame this on my husband, but truly – I am very strong willed. My parents had to read James Dobson’s “The Strong Willed Child” after my birth, I’m told. I can be bull headed and stubborn with the best of ’em. When my Heavenly Father makes plans for me that are in my best interest, but I don’t like them, all too often I let Him know. I cry, I “pray”, I complain, I try to escape. And sometimes He just has to let me cry it out, knowing that what He has for me is better than what I want. Its a slow and painful breaking of my will. I’m sure it breaks His heart just a little, He loves me so.
from Proverbs 16:
2All a person’s ways seem pure to them,
but motives are weighed by the LORD.
3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
4 The LORD works out everything to its proper end—
even the wicked for a day of disaster.
The good news: in a battle of wills, His is always the strongest and the best. I would do well to remember these verses when I have doubts. What I want could bring disaster… But, allowing Him to establish a plan for me, that is when I can be sure things will turn out right. Its a difficult thing for a hard headed girl like me to remember. I guess I probably need to memorize it, so I can teach it to my sweet baby girl who takes after me…
Heavenly Father, Thank you for patiently showing me Your path and teaching me Your will. Let me remember that Your way is always best, especially when I begin to fight it. I don’t know where I’d be without You… probably somewhere on the wrong path. amen.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
daily portion 