My husband Michael is headed out of town this weekend. I’m excited. I’m panicked. I’m dreading his absence. He is going to have a great time doing a Christmas gig with a friend who lives far away. I am going to try to survive.
Its been quite some time since we have been apart over night. It used to happen more frequently, when we only had Emily. But not so much these days.
Putting him on the plane tomorrow morning will be hard for me. No matter if a loved one is leaving for a weekend or a year, it always brings me to my knees. I’m forced to deal with my mortality and theirs. I find myself examining my doubts and fears once again. What if something happens and he doesn’t come back? What if I’m left alone? What if something happens to us while he’s gone?
My imagination has been on the loose today, frivolously using up all of my mental energy. There is a huge lump in the pit of my stomach and it feels like I could burst into tears any moment. In an effort to contain it all, I sat down with a bit of quiet music on, here by my Christmas tree. While reflecting, we had a little chat, He and I did…
“I’m having trouble letting go… it seems so silly, he’ll only be gone two days…”
“Do you feel like he’s yours to hold onto?”
“Well, of course he’s mine – we made vows… I couldn’t bear to be without him…”
“you know, really he belongs to me, I’m just sharing him with you for a while.”
“Oh Father, I couldn’t handle being alone. I just couldn’t manage it.”
And He said to me in quiet caressing tones, “That will never happen. I am here.”
As my heart calmed a bit, I stared at my tree and realized something very very important about Christmas. “Immanuel, God with us” isn’t only about salvation and redemption. No. He came to earth and finished his work here, leaving His Holy Spirit to dwell with us. Its not meant to be past tense. Its a here and now thought. He came so that He could be with us. I guess I knew that, but I didn’t KNOW it.
Never in my life have I felt such peace and comfort as I did today. Christmas time doesn’t just represent a time long ago when Immanuel came. No, it also is a celebration of His daily presence in our lives.
the chorus from one of my favorite songs is also my prayer today:
Thank you Oh my Father, for giving us your Son.
And leaving your Spirit here until the work on earth is done.
amen.
daily portion 