I have a scarf. Gray, with a light blue and green plaid – its beautiful and so soft cashmere. A Christmas gift from my mom last year, it matches my blue winter coat and my gray gloves. Its been unusually cold this November so I’ve already worn it twice. I’m so glad to have it to keep me warm.
I’m looking forward to wearing it when we visit my parents in January.
Not only does my scarf keep me warm physically, it brings me happiness. When I put it on I’m reminded of special times with my family in Michigan last winter; walks with my mom, sledding with the kids, trips to the mall, you get the idea.
Often I go through seasons of winter, where the cold winds of loneliness blow harshly on my heart. I struggle with being so far from my family and loved ones, longing to be with them. But instead we are separated by many, many miles. Holidays and birthdays, piano recitals and soccer games – we spend without them. And I feel as though we are missing out on so much of each others’ lives.
When I first moved here, I came on an adventure. I was taking a break from school. I wanted some new experiences, new friends. My plan was to work a year or two and head back to graduate school. I had no idea that I would end up marrying my wonderful husband and staying here – so far from my roots.
Now, as I live and move through life, I look for things to warm my heart and take the edge off of the cold. Truly I do know that I am in the center of God’s will for me and that is what fights the chills of sadness the best. But, recently I had a conversation with a friend, who pointed me to a poem (thank you Amy!):
The Envoy
by G.K. Chesterton
“Clear was the night, the moon was young,
The larkspurs in the plots
Mingled their orange with the gold
Of the forget-me-nots.
The poppies seemed a silver mist,
So darkly fell the gloom.
You scarce had guessed yon crimson streaks
Were buttercups in bloom.
But one thing moved: a little child
Crashed through the flower and fern
And all my soul rose up to greet
The sage of whom I learn.
I looked into his awful eyes,
I waited his decree,
I made ingenious attempts
To sit upon his knee.
The babe upraised his wondering eyes,
And timidly he said,
‘A trend toward experiment
In modern minds is bred.
‘I feel the will to roam, to learn
By test, experience, nous,
That fire is hot and oceans deep,
And wolves carniverous.
‘My brain demands complexity.’
The lisping cherub cried.
I looked at him and only said,
‘Go on. The world is wide.’
A tear rolled down his pinafore,
‘Yet from my life must pass
The simple love of sun and moon,
The old games in the grass;
‘Now that my back is to my home
Could these again be found?’
I looked on him, and only said,
‘Go on. The world is round.’”
These words have been like a warm soft scarf for my soul. And I have wrapped myself in it, reading the words again and again. It has warmed me right to the center of my being. You see all those years ago, my parents let me go, free to pursue God’s will for my life, free to explore His world. They knew, like I know now: Someday we will be together in our heavenly home. And there we will have all of eternity to catch up.
daily portion 