I was 9. The auditorium was full. My seat was two thirds of the way back, sitting with my Aunt Flo – my parents were at the front. As I sat on the red padded pews, my attention was secured on the speaker, Wendell Calder. He was giving a sermon on missions and I was listening to every word.
My heart was pounding and my face was flush as he drew the message to a close. The Holy Spirit, clearly was whispering in my ear. “Are you willing?” Even at 9, I remember Him speaking directly to me and my heart was changed. That night I yielded. I told Him I would do whatever He wanted me to do. And I fully expected that He would have me on the plane to Africa as soon as I was an adult, although I wasn’t exactly sure of when that would be.
That was then.
Fast forward 26 years. I am not a missionary in Africa. I would go if He sent me. But, I’m a mom. I’m a wife, a piano teacher, a sister, friend. etc… etc… I’m settled into my role as a woman, but sometimes its complicated. Sometimes its stressful. Impossible. Certainly not glamorous or extraordinary.
Yesterday morning I had the privilege to be a part of leading worship at a Missions Conference. I was looking forward to the service and I knew that when the music was over I would hear a message that would move me. And I was not let down.
He spoke about a gap. The gap between my own condition, which is one of sin and inability, and my calling – which is whatever God has given me to do. He very clearly described how to find a way to live in that gap: As I come to know Him better, who He is and His power, I find the grace to become able.
This is now:
Regularly I realize my own lack of strength or character to do even the small tasks He gives me. But, even this simple concept gripped my heart. My calling, not full time missions in Africa but rather my home – my life as wife and mother, was His work to do through me. I need to live in the middle of the gap and let my Heavenly Father fill it.
As He finished the message, once again I could hear the Holy Spirit tenderly speaking, requesting my surrender- not unlike my first missions conference so long ago. Even yesterday I felt my heart beat a bit faster, I struggled to hold tears back : not because I wanted control or because I was frustrated or disappointed. Instead, my eyes welled up because it was a peaceful takeover. I was basking in His love. How mercifully He places me exactly where He wants me to be – inside this knowledge I find rest. And there is strength to carry on in the calling He has given me.
Would I go to Africa? Sure. But, I’m here : weak in my own condition, empowered by the Spirit, in the middle of this gap. And there’s no place I’d rather be.
2 Thessalonians 1: 11-12
With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. 12 We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.[a]
daily portion 