Last night I realized it was happening when I went outside to look at my dahlias. I’ve been caring for them all summer, nursing them along through the heat in a small bed out in the front yard. I went out to say my goodbyes. My guess is we’ll turn their bed over this weekend. Autumn has arrived…
Right now I’m embarking on my 36th fall. Thirty five summers, falls, winters and springs have come and gone. It seems impossible. But this fall is different. I’m nostalgic and yet I’m anticipating life – all at the same time. Its a bit unsettling.
There are so many things to be thankful for. Its remarkable how good God has been to me and my family; so many accomplishments that we can account for, so many blessings – all from His hand. But, at 35 I sense change, some easy and some a bit more difficult.
What’s so different than at 25? Well, eleven years no longer qualifies me as a newly wed. I’m the mother of 3 children now and they are growing up at the speed of light. Soon I’ll just be “Mom” instead of “mommy.” I don’t fit a speck of the clothes that I owned 10 years ago. I have the beginnings of crows feet and laugh lines on my face, which I purchased special makeup last weekend in order to cover. I’m a stay at home mom who bakes bread, home schools and has a garden. My musical tastes have changed and I write a blog. Its all so different now than what I expected when I was 25…
On the other hand there are so many things to look forward to at 35. More sleep is at the top of my list. (I’ll be all set just as soon as Mackenzie puts it at the top of her list…) There will be less shoe tying and more bicycle riding. I’ll gladly say goodbye to dirty diapers and their god-forsaken pail when the time arrives. And I can’t wait to have a date night with my hubby that doesn’t require a fortune spent on baby sitting.
I’m sure there will be things much more complicated at 45 and 55 to think about, like driver’s ed, college admissions, menopause, AARP, aging parents and well this list could be really overwhelming as I start to think about it, so I’ll keep to my anticipating for now. Those things will be worried about enough when the time comes.
With the start of my 36th year, there is a new beginning. Its the option to start fresh and embrace this life. I’m sure I have no idea what to expect. But for this one thing: I know I have a Heavenly Father who will see me through all of it.
My favorite Alison Krauss tune says it well:
“In The Palm Of Your Hand”
If I could have the world and all it owns
A thousand kingdoms, a thousand thrones
If all the earth were mine to hold
With wealth my only goal
I’d spend my gold on selfish things
Without the love that Your life brings
Just a little bit more is all I’d need
‘Til life was torn from me
If I should walk the streets no place to sleep
No faith in promises You keep
I’d have no way to buy my bread
With a bottle for my bed
But if I trust the One who died for me
Who shed His blood to set me free
If I live my life to trust in You
Your grace will see me through
I’d rather be in the palm of Your hand
Though rich or poor I may be
Faith can see right through the circumstance
Sees the forest in spite of the trees, Your grace provides for me…”
The past 10 years have been unusual and wonderful in so many ways. I know that I can look ahead to the future, no matter what season I’m in and be confident that my Heavenly Father has already taken care of everything. This is the joy and peace I have at 35 and counting…
daily portion 
I hit 40 and counting this year and you are so right, so much to look forward to and so blessed.